Blessings

My journey in Primary has come to an end. I don't often open my heart on my blog for all to see. But this last week has been quite a week for me, and I will feel better writing it out. Last Sunday 3/15, I was released from my calling as Primary President and handed over all things pertaining to Primary to the newly called Presidency. I bid a tearful goodbye to the kids I have grown to know and love so well. Off to the adult world I go. It was hard, and it was really sad for me. I was actually surprised that I was so tearful reflecting on it and letting it go. I have known nothing else for so long, the calling became so much of who I was. I have never given so much time and heart into a calling since my mission. True, I served in Primary twice as long as I served my mission, but I felt I gave my very best every step of the way, even when it was so difficult and the woos inside of me wanted to bail out. Near the end was the hardest. The last quarter of 2008 was wrought with changes in Presidency members, key teachers, and BABIES being born (specifically my little colicky wonder-boy). At times I felt I was barely hanging on by a thread. Luckily, I was blessed to work with some INCREDIBLY AMAZING sisters in Primary. Within my presidency, as well as teachers and Nursery workers. I learned so much from these ladies. And I always felt their love for the Lord and the children by how valiantly they served. They inspired me to keep pressing on.
The Sunday I was released I admit I felt very sad. I felt like I had to give up something so precious. I was not resentful or anything, I just felt like I had to mourn over the finality of it all. Nobody said much of anything to me that day other than comments of how relieved I must feel. Yes and no was a fairly accurate answer. And although my church service is meant to be pleasing to my Heavenly Father, and not for the 'glory of man' as it is said....still, I was hoping some parent somewhere would tell me that I did a good job. That I made a difference in the life of their child. That the kids would miss me. Or just a little tiny thank-you. I went home feeling a little lost, and unappreciated. And for that I felt incredibly GUILTY. Because I know I shouldn't be expecting praise! That would make me an unworthy servant. I called my brother Sam, who although he is younger than me, is a spiritual giant in my eyes. Wise beyond his years. I told him how I was feeling and he shared something very insightful. He said "Do you know what one of the hardest things for the Savior must have been, as he was performing the Atonement?"..."The fact that he knew fully well that there would be so many people who would never care. And he did it anyway". That really puts it into perspective for me. And I am now OKAY. And I have no place to complain. At all. So I needed that spiritual reality check. Thanks Sam, message received. My husband told me that the Lord will bless me for the service I gave, in his own way and in his own time. Peace filled my heart, and I have moved on. And this last week has been incredible. The blessings that have followed have humbled me. To share three...
-Our home, which had insufficient attic ventilation due to an oversight in construction 8 years ago, got a FREE REPAIR form the builder Heartland Homes. Even though legally they had no obligation to fix it (how it ever passed inspections I'll never know), they answered my call and installed new vents in my roof anyway simply because it was the right thing to do. Hopefully this year I will not have to pay OG&E $280 in August, like last year. This was an answer to prayers and a blessing.
-Second, our good friend Steve Bittle offered to sell us a new computer (ours was about 8 years old and near to dying) he built himself. It is great, runs so fast, already has all the software installed that we needed, and a 19" flat panel monitor that I LOVE. The price was more than generously reasonable. This gracious offer from Steve came just at the right time, and was an answer to prayers.
-And on Tuesday, I received word that a significant item of litigation that I have been involved with since 2007 had reached a settlement agreement. And I can finally put a very painful and stressful experience behind me forever. This is a huge relief and blessing, as this has burdened me daily for so long. It is finally over.
I've been very humbled that the Lord has been mindful of me specifically. It is as if he was telling me that my offering was sufficient, and in turn he eased some burdens for me that I had been troubled with. I can't help but acknowledge and praise him, for his hand in my life. And the humble reminder that he IS there, and he knows us individually, and his love for us is very real.